I Wanna' Be An Alchemist!
by cherryblossomedheart
Summary: OC, somewhat AU, not really. EdWin RoyRiza Fluff mostly A humorous story between two mentally screwed up teens who do a human transmutation all the while trying to become state alchemists. Rated for language and sujestive themes, fun for Emo days!
1. BAH!

**I Wanna' Be An Alchemist**

**Chapter One**

**Kool Aid Lindy, Kool Aid**

**CherryBlossomedHeart**

**(A/N) I just finished "Envy's Random Day Of Evil" and I was thinking whether or not I'd like to write a oneshot. I decided...No, no more oneshots for awhile because I like chapters. However "The Ones You Leave Behind" and "The Ones You Love" were both serious stories, I'm a fairly serious person... until I'm with my friends. This trail of thinking reminded be of the adventurous comedy fic I wrote for my friends at school, who normally read daily additions to the story, and the plot was genuine, and it just so happens that it was about alchemy. So I tweaked the story a bit and I'm adding Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, and Riza... along with two OC's... One of them is my friend Lindy and the other is me. This story is based after Ed get's Al's body back, Winry and Ed have something going on plus Roy and Riza do too (they aren't married in this fic, no real coupleness more or less fluffiness). Please enjoy and review.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Timmy: It's that time again Cherry **

**Cherry:D What time? **

**Timmy: You know, when you say 'I don't own FMA'.**

**Cherry: I don't have to.**

**Timmy: :( WHY NOT.**

**Cherry: You just did!**

**Timmy: **

Okay, so maybe being an alchemist isn't as easy as it sounds, I mean common? Human transmutation a no no? I think Lindy and myself have gotten ourselves into some serious shit right now... You know because my leg just disintegrated and Lindy's coughing blood, but hey? it was successful was it not...?

"Oh. My. GOD!!" screamed Lindy. I guess I was wrong.

I stared blankly at the 'thing' we created. "That definitely isn't Matty... (A/N Matty is a childhood friend of mine, he's not dead just important)"

The 'thing' moved as the two of us squealed in horror. "YEP! That SO isn't Matty, last time I checked, Matty's rib cage had skin on it..."

I gasped.. "Uh Lindy?"

"Yeah?"

I looked down at my bloodied leg. "I'm losing blood, and I'm quite sure gangrene may become a factor in this swell adventure of ours."

Lindy coughed, unnoticing the blood spilling over her lips, she smiled. "Sure let's get you to a hospital?"

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You just coughed...uh never mind," I sighed, what was the point?

Lindy stood as did I, only I fell... for I only had one leg. Lindy looked over my crippled self. "Poor Natasha, at the mercy of her dear friend Lindy..."

I threw my shoe at the blood-coughing fool. "Help me up dammit!"

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Winry was tinkering away at some old auto-mail parts. With passion such as hers, auto-mail was also a pastime rather then just a job. I guess she never guessed that us two would show up. I mean we had been living next to the Elrics/Rockbells for two freaking years, but what the hey? I still think she'd never guess. Ed as usual was in the living room... checking out his newly found flesh arm and leg... oh yeah he was a real cocky person, always checking himself out, Al on the other hand was petting a kitty... like he normally did. How do I know all this, it's because Lindy and I secretly stalk the family.

We knocked on the door, no answer, we knocked again, no answer. Lindy kicked the door... wrong house...

We went to their real house and knocked, soon enough Winry, wearing a tube top..AGAIN (during winter might I add), opened the door and gasped, then screamed, the yelled for the Elric brothers. I sighed, it was beginning to sound a lot like a crappy spinoff of a show and or manga.

With Ed's strong and determined entrance, eyes tormented by demons of his past blah blah blah and Al behind looking as though his (unfortunate) virgin eyes were scorching to death. Lindy dropped me and I cursed a few censored words at the bitch as Winry knelt by my side and asked Alphonse to carry me into the living room (hell yeah, sexy anime boys to the rescue of Tasha while Lindy is left with regret tehe).

Winry went to get bandages, I realized why would I need to go to a hospital when I had a perfectly suited doctor slash mechanic by my side. Somehow in real life a mechanic who's also a certified doctor seems... well a little screwy, in fact I might as well have gangrene already. Lindy sat by my side, coughing blood...again, she didn't seem to notice. Meh, why tell her now? Edward glared at us.

Lindy got defensive. "Like you haven't tried it!?" Ed looked away sorrowfully. (Eeemmmoooo)

Alphonse, who was abnormally chipper for a child who grew up without his father, saw his mother die, tried to bring her back VERY unsuccessfully, and was stuck in a giant suit of armor for about four or five years; anyways, he came into the room a started cleaning the blood from Lindy's lips... NO FAIR, I mean she didn't even know she was bleeding internally! Why did she get to have her face washed by Alphonse, I mean COMMON'? Ed has Winry, Roy has Riza (and Ed on weekends, I think :P) Lindy has Alphonse... whom does Tasha get?! ENVY?! I mean I'm desperate, but not THAT desperate... then again... Ling... no wait he has Ranfan... hm...? As I pondered the several anime characters who were single, Lindy and Al started having one of those FMA moments. You know when the Russian music starts up and they talk about their feelings.

Winry finally came back into the room with bandages and what I hoped was painkillers or dope... whichever made me forget the ever so pleasant pain in my stub, that once was a leg. Nope, it was rubbing alcohol... it burned, like hot knives. But what the hell? I fainted after that so who gives a damn what burns and what doesn't, I mean I just lost my leg, can anything get any worse?

Suddenly right before I passed out. "Me and Ed are engaged!" Fuck!

**(A/N) Yeah XD It's short like Ed, but I thought it was funny, despite all the curse word it's my latest funny story. I'm writing this more or less for Lindy because she LOVES FMA and me of course! Lmao, a lot of you should check out my profile, it has lot's of story's about Lindy.**

**Anyways I must leave for now,**

**Next chapter will be up sooner or later.**

**CherryBlossomedHeart**


	2. What!

**I Wanna' Be An Alchemist**

**Chapter Two**

**Off To HQ... For Reasons Unknown**

**(A/N) Hey all, tis me CherryBlossomedHeart and well this is chapter two, and I don't know if anyone actually read chapter one... lol, oh well like I said this is mainly for Lindy. I laugh every time I read it, but I guess that's because it's funny having your friend do stupid things in your story, meh?**

**Disclaimer:**

**Timmy: Cherry...?**

**Cherry: (jumping up and down, ignoring Timmy)**

**Timmy: Cherry?**

**Cherry: (continues ignoring while jumping up and down)**

**Timmy: CHERRY!?**

**Cherry: (stops jumping, is annoyed) Yes Timmy?**

**Timmy: Say it!**

**Cherry: Idon'tFMAOrTheIdeaOrTheCharactersBlahBlahBlah (continues jumping)**

**Timmy: (sigh)**

I woke up the next morning with a huge headache, to my left was Lindy, laying on the floor, she was sleeping with a trail of blood down her lips. I sighed, yep she still hadn't noticed. The door smashed open and in waltzed Winry, Ed, and Al. Lindy jolted awake as she coughed up some more blood, I placed my head in my hands, what now?

Winry looked serious. "You're too young and weak to get auto-mail..."

I looked confused. "I didn't say anything about–"

Ed interrupted me. "And don't you think you should rest up before you join the military!"

My eyes shot open. "I'm not joining the–"

Al cut me off. "It's just too dangerous, we can't allow it."

I laughed nervously. "Look guys I'm not doing any of that–"

Winry hugged me. "I guess your minds made up, I have no choice but give you auto-mail... and joining the military is your choice too."

I shook my head. "I don't wanna' do those things..." Ed and Al grabbed me and began dragging me into the operating room. I screamed as Lindy tilted her head like she didn't understand what was going on.

"Tasha what's wrong?"

"Lindy! They're crazy they're giving me auto-mail and signing me up for the military!" my nails dug into the floor as they dragged me further.

Lindy shrugged. "Meh? Good luck!"

"NOOOOOOO!!!" I screamed as the door shut firmly and Lindy went back to sleep.

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When Lindy woke up several hours later I kicked her in the head. She groaned and looked up at me angrily. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR!?"

I pointed at my new auto-mail leg. "Four fucking hours in there, no pain killers, no drugs... just cutting me open and attaching my nerves to cold STEEL!"

Lindy rolled her eyes. "It's not that bad!"

I pinched the nerve on the back of her neck as she squealed. "It's THAT times a BILLION!"

Lindy started sobbing and curling into the corner. Ed came into the room and watched us beat each other's feelings. He was soon joined by Al and Winry who just stood and watched the two of us, we were interrupted finally by Al who said "Our train is leaving in ten minutes."

I looked up, as did Lindy. "Our what?"

Winry looked as though she were to cry. "You two girls shouldn't join the military, you'll be away from your family..."

Lindy pipped up. "Excuse me? We're not joining the military!"

Ed gave me and Lindy our suitcases. "Why must you girls be so strong, why can't you just stay here with u!?"

"We don't want to go–" I tried to say.

"Why did you burn down your house!?" said Al sadly.

Lindy and I looked horrified. "OUR HOUSE!?" we yelled as we went to the window and saw our beautiful home...burning... how the hell did that happen? Lindy and I didn't do it!

Before we knew it we were being dragged to the train station. Winry sat next to me and Al got to sit next to Lindy... he smiled at her and the music started up again... the sharing of the feelings music, I gagged... why was this happening to us? BAH! I just wanted to bring Matty back to life so he could tell us how to beat level seven on Final Fantasy IX, and now we were joining the military? Edward's tormented stature stared out the window.

"How long do you think it'll take for you to find the philosopher's stone?" asked Ed.

I looked at him oddly. "Philo-what now?"

Al looked to me as the music stopped. "It's a long journey ahead of you now."

I broke down crying, Lindy laughed at me and coughed up blood (KARMA) Ed looked at me sympathetically. "It's okay to cry, our sins make us vulnerable."

"No it's not that! I forgot my toothbrush!"

**(A/N) Odd? Yes hahaha, yes I hope you like it, less swearing this time. Meh. **

**Love,**

**CherryBlossomedHeart 3**


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